Command 30: Go to Offenders | Day 204

The feud began between a brother and sister but was carried on by their children and had the potential of lasting for generations. The older brother was the executor of their parents’ estate and, according to his younger sister, took thousands of dollars from the inheritance for himself before dividing it with her.

This offended sister never went to her brother to talk about it. Instead, she allowed the offense to grow into bitter animosity with her brother. If she would have followed the clear instruction of this command, she quickly would have understood the full story and spared herself and many others much grief.

While her parents were alive, her older brother had loaned them a significant amount of money. In order to pay back the debt, they told him to take it out of the estate before he divided it with his sister. Had she gone to her brother when she first became offended, she would have prevented the misunderstanding from turning into a family feud.

Command Thirty:

“Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother. But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established. And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican” (Matthew 18:15–17).

There are several reasons why it is hard for us to go to an offender. One reason is the fear of being hurt again. The pain of being offended causes us to draw back from the one who hurt us and build walls of protection around ourselves. This “cutting off” of spirit toward another person leads to feelings of hatred, which carries serious penalties. (See I John 3:15.)

A second reason is that we assume the offender will not listen to us. However, we are not responsible for the outcome of the situation. Our responsibility in going to an offender is to humbly and accurately present the offense with the goal of reconciliation.

Another reason it is difficult to go to an offender is that we may have had past offenders react to us when we have gone to them with wrong attitudes. This only created a bigger problem and made us wish that we had never gone to them in the first place. In order to prevent this, we must search our own hearts first and make sure our motives and attitudes are consistent with Scripture. It takes careful and thorough spiritual preparation to go to an offender.

“Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted” (Galatians 6:1).

This command reveals the heart of God and His desire for there to be harmony among believers. The prayer Jesus prayed for all of us is “that they all may be one; as thou, Father, art in me, and I in thee, that they also may be one in us …” (John 17:21). Let’s cooperate with God’s desire for unity by humbly going to our offenders in order to restore and reconcile our relationships as peacemakers.

Through Christ our Lord,

Bill Gothard

Study Question

Q: Since we are commanded to tell only an offender his fault, why did Paul tell Peter his fault in front of the entire group and also tell the whole church about the fault of Demas? (See Galatians 2:14, II Timothy 4:10.)

A: When a sin that affects an entire group is committed, the head of the group must be notified, in the same way that the head must be alerted about an infection in part of the body so that proper action can be taken to deal with it and prevent it from spreading throughout the entire body.

This is consistent with the instructions that Paul gave to Timothy about church leaders: “Against an elder receive not an accusation, but before two or three witnesses. Them that sin rebuke before all, that others also may fear” (I Timothy 5:19–20).

“Rebuking before all” is what Paul did to Peter concerning the matter of separation: “When Peter was come to Antioch, I withstood him to the face, because he was to be blamed. For before that certain came from James, he did eat with the Gentiles: but when they were come, he withdrew and separated himself, fearing them which were of the circumcision” (Galatians 2:11–12).

Paul went on to explain how Peter’s hypocrisy had led astray other Jewish Christians and even Barnabas. Because Peter’s offense had affected an entire group, he needed public rebuke. God used Paul’s voice to warn others of falling into the same trap.

There are ample witnesses to verify the need for public rebukes—we can assume that Demas was warned by Paul and other witnesses not to love the world. Thus, Paul wrote, “For Demas hath forsaken me, having loved this present world, and is departed unto Thessalonica” (II Timothy 4:10).

It is critical that we distinguish between different types of offenses in order to determine the most effective rebuke for each situation. In every case, however, it is our responsibility to first examine our own lives according to Matthew 7:5: “… First cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye.”